A Full Circle Moment, Ten Years in the Making

In their conversation, Tom recalled that it was during an evening news program that highlighted Kaitlin’s story, that the seed was planted for Armoured One. Naturally, he explained to Kaitlin that she has quickly become one of his “heroes”. But Kaitlin humbly refuses this title. She claimed that she was just “doing what any teacher would do” in that moment when terror arose. But Tom was quick to remind Kaitlin that after ten years of studying various school shootings, he’s come to realize that not every teacher responds or reacts with the same level of bravery as Kaitlin did on that fateful day.

Kaitlin and Tom then worked to collectively define bravery- it’s “being afraid, but doing it anyway”; it’s “acting in the face of fear”. Tom recalled moments of fear and trepidation in his former police days just as Kaitlin experienced on the day of the attack. Both acted bravely in those moments- with fear, but not withholding action. Kaitlin explained that as a mere 29-year-old at the time of the shooting, she appreciated, but could not fully grasp, what her efforts meant for the families of her 15 students until she became a parent herself. 

Before revisiting the event, Kaitlin explained that what she has learned from her “healing journey” is that you move forward, but you never move on. The events of December 14, 2012, have always- and will always- be with her every second of every day. She explained that this is why she started her organization (Classes 4 Classes) and wrote her book, Choosing Hope. Just because time passes does not mean survivors of such events have “gotten over it”. But the hope is that they’ve learned to live with it, and possibly with a “renewed purpose”. Tom even went on to share that this lesson from Kaitlin, as well as other survivors, comforted him when he suffered the loss of his own brother just six years ago. It’s a universal lesson worth remembering- “there’s nothing wrong with carrying the grief,” as Tom shared.

From an early age, Kaitlin knew she wanted to become a teacher. “We all have those teachers that inspired us,” said Kaitlin, as she recalled the caring and safe environment from one of her own inspirations, her 5th grade teacher. As most aspiring teachers do, Kaitlin recalls that as a child she would line up her stuffed animals and teach them. But at that time, Kaitlin never could have imagined how becoming a teacher would forever shape her or her future students.

On that Friday morning, just ten days before Christmas, Kaitlin described the “joyous” feeling she awoke to- it was just ten days before Christmas, she was in the midst of the holiday season, and planning her upcoming wedding. Kaitlin recalls arriving at school around 8am- her classroom being the first on the left upon entering through two sets of double doors. Kaitlin then explained to Tom that the common misconception of Sandy Hook is that they had a “laissez faire” approach to safety. On the contrary, she went on to detail the security measures they had in place, not only that morning, but every morning: doors always locked, video surveillance, voice recognition, and guests only admitted with a buzz-in system. But on that morning, the gunman bypassed all of these security measures by shooting through a glass window and climbing through. On hearing the ring of the first shot and the subsequent shattering of glass, Kaitlin immediately instructed her students to hide. Tom credited Kaitlin for her reaction, noting that so many teachers and school personnel who have found themselves in Kaitlin’s position often dismiss the sound of gunshots to other things (i.e. construction work, fireworks). “Their brains are trying to protect them” from what is actually happening, he explained. But because of Kaitlin’s proximity to the shots fired and her father being a gun owner, she instantly recognized the sounds for what they were and took action.

Kaitlin equally credits her “hyper-vigilant/hyper-aware” mentality to her brave actions that day. Many first responders have shared with Kaitlin that her innate awareness is something that they are taught to do, not born with. Tom refers to this as “combat mindset”. Kaitlin said that she believes the constant awareness of her surroundings stems back to her young adoption. She explained that adopted children tend to look and listen for any sight or sound of their mother to assure them that she’s in close range. It’s a defense mechanism that made Kaitlin ultra-alert for not only herself, but also her students, that day. 

Beyond her innate awareness, Kaitlin described her training at Sandy Hook in active shooter scenarios prior to December 14. Kaitlin recalled that at the time, “Sandy Hook was ahead of the curve”. She remembers that “they took school safety very, very seriously”, doing two lock down drills a year. During these drills, each teacher was instructed to cover the classroom door  window with construction paper (since the doors were unable to lock from the inside), then lead their students to the cubby area where they would all crouch and cover their heads. Problem was, they were “sitting ducks” there, Kaitlin admitted.

In the interview, Tom proceeded to recognize that snap decision of Kaitlin’s to pull a bookcase in front of the bathroom door before shutting it.The placement of the bookcase made the hidden bathroom unnoticeable to law enforcement who did a quick sweep after the attack. The move may very well have been the reason why Kaitlin and her first graders survived. Through tears, Kaitlin recalled the risky decision, noting that if the attacker knew the building, then they would know there was a room hidden behind the bookcase; but if they didn’t, there’s a good chance they would go unnoticed and remain safe. “Those actions 100% saved your life and those kids,” Tom reminded her. Her barricading tactic worked in that moment, which is why Armoured One has used her as an example for the last 10 years in their training sessions.

The moments that followed were horrific. At some point, the attacker took the lives of the school principal and the school psychologist, both right outside Kaitlin’s door. After moving on from Kaitlin’s classroom, the gunman proceeded to classroom 2, just one door down from Kaitlin’s first grade room. Kaitlin said that the only words she remembers hearing uttered during those tense moments were “Please, no. Please, no.” Kaitlin later learned that the carnage in room 2 was interrupted when the gunman had to reload. One of the first grade boys, named Jesse, shouted “Get out!” to his classmates, losing his own life in an attempt to save the lives of his friends. 

Meanwhile, Kailtin recalls that one of her first graders crammed in the bathroom with her began to cry. She knew that she had to get this young girl calm to prevent the others from following suit, so she told her, “show me your smile”, holding the little girl’s face in both of her hands. The crying stopped. “I felt like if we were quiet, then maybe we’d have a chance.” In truth, Kaitlin revealed that she didn’t believe for one second that they would be walking out of there alive. But she had to put on a brave front. Tom aptly noted that, for teachers, “You can be facing the worst moment, but kids will be looking to you to see what you do”- a truth that Armoured One routinely reminds educators.

For 45 long, silent minutes, Kaitlin’s class was contained in that tight bathroom; they were the last survivors recovered from the scene. Even when a policeman knocked on the bathroom door, Kaitlin hesitated to believe him. She required that he prove his identity by sliding his badge under the door. Even though the badge was produced, she further insisted that if they were truly emergency personnel, then they’d have access to a key that would open the door. When emergency personnel were finally able to open the door, they were amazed to see how many children came pouring out of the tiny bathroom along with their teacher. Kaitlin recalled that the mere sight of all the emergency responders with their guns and gear caused her to fall apart. Finally out of the caretaking role of her student, she was able to release her emotions.

At the moment the first gunshots were fired, Kaitlin’s class was in the middle of “morning meeting”, sharing their favorite holiday traditions with one another. After the first shot, Kaitlin shut her door, turned off the lights, and instructed her students to all get into the bathroom, which Kaitlin described as an “impossibly small space” (approximately 3x5 feet). “In that moment”, Kaitlin remembered, “the decision that I made to attempt survival far outweighed how unreasonable it seemed.” On the day of the attack, it is believed by both Kaitlin and emergency responders that the shooter popped his head inside the door of her first grade classroom before moving onto class room 2 where he found potential victims and went on a killing spree. 

In the interview, Tom proceeded to recognize that snap decision of Kaitlin’s to pull a bookcase in front of the bathroom door before shutting it. The placement of the bookcase made the hidden bathroom unnoticeable to law enforcement who did a quick sweep after the attack. The move may very well have been the reason why Kaitlin and her first graders survived. Through tears, Kaitlin recalled the risky decision, noting that if the attacker knew the building, then they would know there was a room hidden behind the bookcase; but if they didn’t, there’s a good chance they would go unnoticed and remain safe. “Those actions 100% saved your life and those kids,” Tom reminded her. Her barricading tactic worked in that moment, which is why Armoured One has used her as an example for the last 10 years in their training sessions.

The moments that followed were horrific. At some point, the attacker took the lives of the school principal and the school psychologist, both right outside Kaitlin’s door. After moving on from Kaitlin’s classroom, the gunman proceeded to classroom 2, just one door down from Kaitlin’s first grade room. Kaitlin said that the only words she remembers hearing uttered during those tense moments were “Please, no. Please, no.” Kaitlin later learned that the carnage in room 2 was interrupted when the gunman had to reload. One of the first grade boys, named Jesse, shouted “Get out!” to his classmates, losing his own life in an attempt to save the lives of his friends. 

Meanwhile, Kaitlin recalls that one of her first graders crammed in the bathroom with her began to cry. She knew that she had to get this young girl calm to prevent the others from following suit, so she told her, “show me your smile”, holding the little girl’s face in both of her hands. The crying stopped. “I felt like if we were quiet, then maybe we’d have a chance.” In truth, Kaitlin revealed that she didn’t believe for one second that they would be walking out of there alive. But she had to put on a brave front. Tom aptly noted that, for teachers, “You can be facing the worst moment, but kids will be looking to you to see what you do”- a truth that Armoured One routinely reminds educators.

For 45 long, silent minutes, Kaitlin’s class was contained in that tight bathroom; they were the last survivors recovered from the scene. Even when a policeman knocked on the bathroom door, Kaitlin hesitated to believe him. She required that he prove his identity by sliding his badge under the door. Even though the badge was produced, she further insisted that if they were truly emergency personnel, then they’d have access to a key that would open the door. When emergency personnel were finally able to open the door, they were amazed to see how many children came pouring out of the tiny bathroom along with their teacher. Kaitlin recalled that the mere sight of all the emergency responders with their guns and gear caused her to fall apart. Finally out of the caretaking role of her student, she was able to release her emotions.

Kaitlin described being “terrified of life”- paralyzed to do any normal, independent activities. She also felt desperate to find answers to a long list of questions that were tormenting her. Kaitlin quickly realized she would never be able to answer those hard questions. Meanwhile, the school year needed to resume. Although the superintendent initially proposed a single day off “to grieve”, they did not return until the first week in January. This was still a swift return to an unprepared and foreign school building for so many traumatized students and school staff. But Kaitlin remained committed to her class, finishing out the school year with those same students. But alongside her was her mother, who graciously joined her in her classroom everyday. She couldn’t stand to do it alone. Kaitlin recalls that they were all “shells of themselves” in those days. Listening to Christmas music and coloring instead of mastering academic content, they were in survival mode. One child, she remembered, would ball themselves up and rock backward and forward in response to the loud, strange sounds of the new school building. Many of the students were concerned that their new classroom didn't have a bathroom and questioned where they would take shelter if another bad person came for them. When Kaitlin brought these genuine concerns to school officials, their replies to the childrens’ very real fears were superficial and insensitive. Such responses to these tragedies must change.

The community’s- and world’s- outpouring to Kaitlin’s class was overwhelming. Toys, games, supplies, and gifts were flooding in, bringing a smile back to the childrens’ faces. However, Kaitlin hoped that her students would learn how to graciously receive, and also, maybe more importantly, how to graciously respond. “This was a pay-it-forward lesson I needed to teach my kids.” So Kaitlin read the students a book with that same message, prompting the kids to react in such a way so they would return a blessing to someone else. For Kaitlin, this was a lightbulb moment- an answer to her own swirling questions in the aftermath of the shooting. “We make a choice… of what we spend our energy on.” Kaitlin’s class reached out to a needy school in Tennessee, and supported them by purchasing them a technology board they desperately needed. This act of generosity multiplied, forming an organization that Kaitlin still runs to this day. She describes it as a “gallery for teachers to showcase how their students choose to be kind.” Through tears, Kaitlin explained that “Classes 4 Classes ultimately was founded because that day was so full of hate. So much hate and anger.... So if we teach kids from an early age that they are connected and to care about one another,... then maybe they won’t have hateful feelings.” 

Tom brought up the question that several national leaders have put to him: Why does this keep happening in our country? His response: “Our children have lost love, respect, and care about their fellow man.” Undoubtedly, our country must do a better job of showing love towards one another, and we must teach our children to do the same. Kaitlin’s experience has moved her to advocate for such acts of love and kindness toward our fellow man, especially among our youngest citizens. 

Tom went on to share with Kaitlin that the details of the Sandy Hook shooting led him and his team to create a glass film that’s affordable and effective, which has already proven its ability in a school shooting in Rochester, NY. “Lived experience is the greatest teacher,” Kaitlin replied. “How can you not listen to the people who have been there?” She recognizes that sharing our “hard stuff” connects us, inspires us. Armoured One is so grateful for her bravery, her testimony, and her on-going work.